Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
