That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
