Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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