Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
