The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
