my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
