I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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