I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
