i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
handjob tips. give me some.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
