He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
