I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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