So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
