My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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