And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
