You made me cry and you don't even care
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize