I need help removing her.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize