I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
