i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
