she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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