Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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