sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
