PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
