Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
