Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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