Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
