she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
