She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize