Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
