Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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