After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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