im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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