This dress was meant to end up on your floor
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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