Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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