Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
