he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
