Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
