Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
