I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
