This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
