the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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