Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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