Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
