conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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