So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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