i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
