just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
