I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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