ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
