I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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