I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
