im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
