Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
