Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
