Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
