How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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