Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
