i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i've created a new STD.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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