it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
