Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
