this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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