he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
