I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm passing your future prison.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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