id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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