shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
