smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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